chapter two
by angela
stargate sg-1
august 2005
Daniel's office was dim after hours, the only illumination coming from a small lamp on the table. In front of him, his half-finished report beckoned to him in a blur of pixels, but he leaned his head wearily against the laptop screen and shut his eyes.
It was past two in the morning, and Daniel felt as if his very bones were tired. The events of the last twenty-four hours kept unfolding inside his head: Astor's blood on Anise's pale skin, the blank shock in Sam's wide eyes, the coldness and the calm of the dignitaries as they discussed their treaty with no respect for the body in the gateroom. And Jack...
Daniel had almost lost Jack. He had been willing to undergo the procedure, one that would have either killed him or left him a shadow of who he once was. Daniel had been with him in the infirmary, had talked to him one last time before the procedure, trying to convince him to stop. But that was Jack for you—headstrong, impetuous, unheeding—and in the end it had been Anise's carelessness and not a false memory after all.
With a sigh, Daniel slapped his face and resumed typing. The sooner he got this done, the sooner he could turn it in and the sooner he could chew Jack out for making him worry. Teal'c and Jack had submitted their reports already, but Daniel had to describe in great length the terms of the treaty and the deliberations, and his perfectionism wasn't exactly helping matters.
"Daniel?" Sam's head peeked inside the office he shared with Teal'c. "Hey, Daniel, you busy?"
"Not at all," he replied, grateful for the distraction. He saved the file and powered down the computer, smiling as Sam entered the room. He had to admit her hair looked a lot nicer that way—much more feminine—but then he had always been one for delicate women. Jack he couldn't explain away on beauty; Daniel blamed it instead on the personality changes he'd gone through once joining the SGC.
Sam's face was blissful and serious all at once. "Daniel, I'm here because I trust you. I need to tell you something, and I need you to promise me you won't tell anyone else. It could get the colonel and me in a lot of trouble if anyone finds out."
"Okay," Daniel said apprehensively, feeling like a fifth-grader engaging in playground gossip. He guessed it had something to do with the zatarc testing—Jack and Sam had both been suspected, and neither had told him how they'd gotten cleared. "I promise."
Sam grinned. "All right." She looked at her hands, which were fidgeting in her lap, and cleared her throat. "We were lying."
"You were?" It wasn't like Sam to lie, especially when she knew the stakes; she was the most honest person Daniel knew. "That's how Jack got out too?"
Nodding, Sam continued. "We'd been hiding something. The thing is, neither the colonel nor I had realized it; we didn't figure it out until the end. It turned out that what we'd been hiding was the fact that we both, ah, we both felt very strongly about each other."
Daniel's breath caught in his throat. Jack had assured him several times that he had absolutely no feelings for anyone else—yet here he was, confessing his feelings for Samantha Carter, brilliant astrophysicist, expert soldier, amazingly attractive woman. It's not as if Daniel could blame Jack, but it hurt.
" 'Strongly'? Is that what he said?" Daniel asked, suppressing the urge to shout.
"He said," Sam replied, her cheeks pink, "that he cared about me more than he should. I used to dream about him saying something like that, but I wrote it off as a childish crush and I tried to do my job and stop thinking about it..."
Sam kept chattering happily, even after Daniel tuned her out, and when she finally left, he swore he could see her skipping.
"You're late." Jack was sprawled out on Daniel's couch, a bottle of beer Daniel was sure he hadn't bought in his hand. Standing up, Jack moved towards the door where Daniel was putting away his coat, and leaned in for the customary kiss. "I was worried you weren't going to come home at all."
Daniel pulled back; Jack's lips grazed his chin, and he frowned immediately, brows furrowing at Daniel's cold behavior. "Danny? What's up?"
"Oh, you know perfectly well what's up," Daniel retorted, pushing past Jack. He knew he sounded like a teenager, but at the moment he was too angry to care. "So that's why you didn't tell me how you passed the zatarc testing, right, Jack?"
Jack looked at him in confusion. "What?"
"Sam, Jack!" Daniel grabbed the bottle out of Jack's hand and drank, grimacing as it burned its way down his esophagus. "You told Sam that you love her, and worse, you didn't even have the balls to tell me! Do you have any idea how that makes me feel?" He was so furious at Jack's betrayal that he didn't bother to keep his voice down; the old lady from Minsk next door was probably getting ready to phone the manager.
"Oh, that," Jack said, gesturing helplessly. "Danny, I—"
Daniel cut him off. "No," he said fiercely. "No excuses. You swore to me when we first got together that I was the only one for you; I won't settle for less." He felt a sick twist in his stomach as he realized Jack might have been lying to him all along, making empty promises for an easy fuck.
Jack's expression grew cold, and his hands stilled. "Don't you start with this," he growled; Daniel knew what card he was about to play, but yet it shocked him. "What about—what about Sha're? You love her."
"She's dead," Daniel said desperately, and even as the words spilled out he recognized it as the worst betrayal of all. Horrified, he tore his gaze away from Jack's mouth and clenched his fists, incensed with himself for speaking of Sha're like that. She'd given him all her love, unconditionally, and he had never been able to repay her. Never would.
"But you still do," Jack said quietly; his smile was crooked. "I love you, Daniel, but I can't help loving Carter."
Daniel bowed his head. "You can't have us both, Jack."
"But what if I don't want to choose?" Jack's eyes were on him, wondering, measuring, trying to figure out what Daniel's next move was. He hadn't expected Daniel to stride to the door and open it, showing him the way.
"Then I'll do it for you," Daniel said. He'd never felt calmer in his life. "Get out."
Daniel arrived at the briefing fifteen minutes early only to find everyone else already there. Sam started as he entered, but Jack's eyes were focused on the table. Teal'c greeted him with a nod. "You are early, Daniel Jackson."
"So are the rest of you," Daniel replied, indicating the team with a wave of his folder. "What's going on?"
"Nothing," Sam squeaked, and Daniel saw how she was deliberately avoiding looking at Jack. He felt a hot surge of anger at her radiant face, the shy smile caused simply by being in Jack's presence. He knew the signs well enough; this was exactly how he'd behaved after he and Jack had first confessed their feelings, and Daniel had lived on the words themselves for a week before they'd had a chance to act on them.
Daniel slid in beside Teal'c, leaving Jack alone on the other side of the table. He waited for Jack to say something—if not an apology, then at least a "how-d'you-do"—but Jack continued to stare downwards, eyes roving over the wood surface like searching for an answer when he already knew there was none.
They sat in silence for several minutes until General Hammond entered. He appraised them grimly, taking in the way Sam was sitting on her hands, the way Daniel was glaring at her none-too-tactfully, the way no one was speaking or even moving. "Something wrong, people?"
"Sir!" Sam jumped to attention. "Sorry, sir—I guess we were all having some pretty deep thoughts right there."
"At ease, Major," Hammond said. "Someone want to tell me what's the matter with you four? Colonel? Dr. Jackson?"
Daniel winced visibly. Jack's gaze met his for a split second; the bitter resentment he saw made him swallow hard. He thought, Jack's never going to speak to me again, and a part of him knew he deserved this.
"General," he said, opening his folder and passing a stack of photographs to Hammond. "These Goa'uld inscriptions indicate some kind of ancient weapon—a powerful one, from the looks of it. Now, we believed this planet to be abandoned, as the initial scans showed, but further scans show that there is at least one regiment of Jaffa, probably Apophis', guarding the gate and the surrounding area."
Hammond kept nodding as he talked, and Daniel made himself believe that he could get through this, that if he concentrated hard enough on his work, then he wouldn't break.
The mission had been easy enough: retrieve a wayward MALP from the clutches of the natives, who spoke an odd mixture of Czech and Japanese and whose society resembled seventeenth-century Europe without all the political upheaval. Jack had grumbled the entire time about having to do such grunt work—assign it to SG-8; they'd love a chance to get off-world for once—but not having to constantly watch his back worked wonders for Daniel's mood, and he felt almost cheerful by the end of the day.
"I should retire here," Daniel said, leaning against the brick compound that was their temporary home. The women had been perceptive enough to put Sam in a separate room, and the men were equally as nice, offering them as much food and being as obliging as possible. All in all, Bardena was a peaceful, flourishing city, perfect for letting go of worldly concerns.
"This planet does indeed remind me of Argos," Teal'c replied, standing beside him, staff weapon at the ready. "It is quite agreeable in both climate and society." Although the Bardenans had once suffered at the hands of the Goa'uld, they had showed no overt prejudice towards Teal'c, and instead had accepted him graciously into their most sacred of halls.
Daniel turned to look at his companion, who was busy watching the townspeople mill around in the marketplace. "You seen Sam?" He didn't want to leave Teal'c here by himself, but now was as good an opportunity as ever to set the record straight with her.
"Major Carter has retired to her accommodations." Teal'c's gaze moved to rest on a slim girl with rust-colored hair, laughing as she piled ears of corn into a basket.
"Oh." Daniel frowned. "Jack isn't, ah, with her, is he?"
Teal'c lifted an eyebrow. "I believe Colonel O'Neill is currently assaulting the premises."
"It's called 'hitting the town,' Teal'c, and thanks," Daniel replied. Typical Jack—traipsing around the place and expecting them to let him just because he had a higher rank and a bigger gun. For all Daniel knew, the man was off somewhere getting them into trouble, but at least he wasn't anywhere near Sam.
Trying to steer his thoughts from that particularly depressing topic, Daniel attempted to make conversation. "So how's Ry'ac?" he asked.
Teal'c's face brightened slightly. "He is well. Drey'auc tells me he is growing strong and healthy. In return I told her it did not matter how he grew but that he grew free."
Daniel nodded. "That's good." And it was true—even if he'd lost Sha're, even if he'd missed out on a chance to raise a child, it gave him joy to know that his best friends were able to have that experience. "Good for you, Teal'c."
"You are thinking of Sha're," Teal'c said, uncannily perceptive. "I am sorry for evoking such painful memories, Daniel Jackson."
"Oh, no, no, no," Daniel protested, waving his hands as if to push away Teal'c's remark. "It's not your fault. I just..." He dropped his gaze. "I just miss her, that's all."
Teal'c nodded sagely. "Oftentimes I find myself missing Drey'auc's company. When that happens, I think instead of those I care about who are currently in my presence, and that is usually enough."
Daniel took this in, nodding as he realized the truth of this. He'd stayed at Sam's place for a week after Sha're died, needing her company and reassurance, unwilling to face his misery alone.
"Yeah," Daniel found himself saying. "Thanks, Teal'c."
"You are welcome, Daniel Jackson."
The sun was setting, and the townspeople said their last goodbyes, smiling as they went their separate ways. Teal'c ducked inside the doorway, and Daniel was left with nothing but his thoughts for company.
Jack's looping had caught the idle daydreams of everyone on base, Daniel's included. He'd often wondered what he would do in a world without consequences, but every fantasy he'd since indulged. Apparently he'd wondered strongly enough to ask Jack and Teal'c—and the two of them had taken his innocent question to heart.
He had no idea what was going on between Jack and Sam. Neither of them had mentioned anything about their "relationship" to him—not that they would, even though they knew he'd never divulge their secret—and he couldn't tell by watching them. He expected glances and secret smiles, but they hadn't treated each other any differently.
Then again, this was how it had gone between him and Jack: top-secret, For Their Eyes Only. They would bicker and banter like usual, taking care not to raise suspicions, then whenever they were off-world, Daniel would find his way to Jack's tent.
Daniel willed himself not to think about what might be happening between Jack and Sam after-hours, but he couldn't resist the terrible things that filtered into his head when he wasn't paying attention. He couldn't stop himself from imagining Jack cushioned on Sam's slender body, balancing himself between her legs, making her scream.
A part of him ached at the thoughts, but Daniel couldn't hold it against her. If this worked out, then at least he had brought his friends happiness.
Over the next few weeks, SG-1 seemed to return to normal. Jack's voice had lost its clipped edge, and he was slowly slipping back into the familiar banter that Daniel had missed. The tension had dissipated; the atmosphere was easy and comfortable again. The only difference was that Jack no longer touched him the way he once had. There were no pats on his shoulder, no fingers in his hair, no stealthy touches—all the physical contact between Jack and Daniel had simply ceased.
Until, of course, the trip to P3X-888.
"Daniel!" Sam's voice was worried, frantic even, as she rushed to his side. The Unas had disappeared into a side tunnel, and now Sam was free to let her motherly tendencies show. "Are you all right?"
"I'm fine, Sam. Just some scrapes and bruises, that's all." Shaking his head, Daniel was keenly aware of Jack's attention on him, making a careful assessment of his condition before they moved out. It chilled his spine to see an indifferent gaze where there once would have been loving concern.
Touching the scratch on his cheek, Sam dug through her pack for a bandage. "You did a good job leaving all those clues," she said kindly, and Daniel was reminded how much she really did care about him. "It would have taken us so much longer if you hadn't told us where to go."
"Most probably," Daniel replied, and Sam laughed. He let her fuss over him for a minute or two, then the team was trudging back to the gate in silence. Daniel risked a quick glance at Jack; the man seemed apathetic, but Daniel knew him well enough to realize that Jack was furious. His anger was being held in check and hidden behind impassive features, but it was there all the same.
"What happened to Loeder? The rest of SG-11?" Daniel ventured. "Did they make it back safely?"
Jack stiffened, and beside him Sam inhaled sharply. Teal'c bowed his head respectfully and said, "Many of them are dead, Daniel Jackson."
"Dead? How?"
"I killed Rothman," Jack said bluntly. He held out his hands in despair, almost as if he was offering something to Daniel. "He had a snake in him and he shot Griff—what was I supposed to do?" Looking away, he kicked the dirt with his boot and sighed in exasperation.
Daniel stared. He'd known Jack for almost five years, and in all that time, the man had never had any qualms about killing if he felt he was doing the right thing. Jack would murder entire armies of Jaffa to make sure that his team got back home in one piece.
"Jack—" Daniel began, but Jack's fingers dug into his shoulders and held him there.
"I'm sorry," Jack said, and pulled him into a hug. The scent of blood and metal was heavy on him. Daniel tried to hug him back, to reach his arms around that familiar body and just hold on as long as he could, but Jack was already pulling away.
"Let's get back to the gate," Jack said, surging ahead. Daniel fell in step with Teal'c and let exhaustion overwhelm his growing sadness.
It surprised Daniel to see Sam alone in the mess: they always ate as a team, but when they had different assignments, Sam would take meals up to her lab. The warning bells went off in Daniel's brain long before he got to the table, but when he saw her puffy eyes and wet cheeks his alarm amplified exponentially.
"Hey, Sam, mind if I sit?" he asked gently. She shook her head; Daniel slid across from her and set his glass of Jello down. "Want to talk about it?"
Sam shook her head again, bringing her laced fingers to her cheek. She looked as if she'd only just stopped crying and the slightest thing might start her up again. "No, thanks," she said, "I'd rather not. Besides, being around other people kind of forces you to get it all under control, right?"
Daniel grinned despite himself. This was the Sam he was used to: take-charge, don't-let-anyone-give-you-shit Sam. His heart flared briefly at the thought that this was exactly what Jack liked about her, but he pushed the thought out of his head. Jealous as he might be, he wasn't going to revel in a friend's pain.
"Did you at least talk to Janet?" he asked, picking up a spoonful of Jello and setting it back down. "If you won't tell me what's wrong, then maybe you can talk to her."
Sam laughed faintly. "I don't want you to think I don't trust you, Daniel. But lately you've been distant, and I wasn't sure if it had anything to do with me."
"Of course not," Daniel lied.
"Okay," Sam murmured. She scrubbed at her cheek with her palm. "Do you remember what I told you after the meeting with the Tok'ra? About Colonel O'Neill?"
How could Daniel forget? "Yeah," he said. "Did something happen?"
Sam looked away, blinking rapidly. "It was stupid of me to expect something," she said. "I shouldn't have, but I did, and he shot me down." She leaned across the table, pretty face wet with tears, and Daniel felt sympathy and guilt all at once. His best friend had been hurt, and all he could think about was how he had finally won.
"He told me," continued Sam, "that we could never be together. I mean, I knew he wouldn't leave the Air Force because of me, but I thought that maybe we could make it work somehow. We could have been discreet about it; we could have hidden it. But he said that while he appreciated my work as second-in-command, he'd never love me back."
"He said that?" Daniel gritted his teeth in anger as Sam nodded mutely. "Why would Jack say something like that?"
"Because he wouldn't risk his career for me," Sam answered. "I obviously wasn't important enough to him. And the funny thing is, I already knew. Somehow, I never expected it at all." She gave him a tiny smile.
Daniel pushed his chair back and bent over the table. Brushing a kiss onto her forehead, he murmured against her skin, "It'll be okay." Then he walked out the double doors, zipping his jacket as he left.
His heart was thrumming in his chest as he pulled up to Jack's house. He felt nervous and afraid all at once, but he had a reason to be here, and he wasn't going to let Jack bully him.
Jack hadn't asked for his key back, but Daniel still chose to ring the doorbell. Once, twice—nothing. "Jack!" he shouted. "Jack, open up!"
The door opened and Jack's face appeared in the thin sliver of light. His hair was mussed and his breath smelled like Guinness; Daniel felt a surge of vindication as he recognized that this was Jack's way of showing guilt over what he'd done to Sam, and tried not to wonder if Jack had drunk himself into oblivion after he had kicked him out.
Pushing his way inside, Daniel tugged the older man after him until they stood face-to-face in the kitchen. "What the hell did you do to Sam?" he asked, voice tight.
"I thought you didn't care about Carter," Jack replied disdainfully, and Daniel realized with a start that Jack wasn't as drunk as he'd thought. On the contrary, the more he talked, the more alert he became, as if he'd been waiting for Daniel to come here and wake him up.
"She's my best friend," Daniel said. "Of course I care about her."
Jack's voice softened. He moved to sit down on the couch, and Daniel let him pass. Sinking down onto a cushion, Jack let out a long sigh. "I just told her the truth, that's all."
"The truth." The truth that Jack didn't think very much of Sam at all, the truth that he considered the Air Force more important than his teammates, the truth that Jack was very much the person Daniel had assumed when they'd first met.
"Yeah," Jack said, standing. "I wasn't gonna lie to her."
Daniel's cheeks flushed. "You left me for Sam, and now you're leaving her for—what, a few stars on your collar? I can't believe you care more about your career than your friends." He drew himself to his full height, still coming up a few inches short. "You're a real bastard, you know that, Jack?"
Jack narrowed his eyes; Daniel felt suddenly as if he was standing outside without a coat, Jack's demeanor was that cold. He steeled himself, though, and readied himself for a punch that would hurt for days—but it never came. He opened his eyes and searched Jack's face for rage, and found only forgiveness and love instead.
"I didn't leave her for the Air Force," Jack said, and his voice was low and husky. "I would have left the Air Force for her—except I'd already found something more important." He paused, then rolled his eyes. "Damn it, I'm not good at speeches. But the point is—"
Daniel could hear his own heart thudding in his chest. "Yeah, Jack?"
"—I love you, Danny." Jack flushed crimson. "I couldn't give you up for anything in the world, and I guess it just took me a couple weeks to figure that out." He bowed his head. "Basically, I'm asking—will you take me back?"
Daniel gaped, unable to speak. Jack must have taken this as rejection, because he turned away in agony. "I get it, Daniel. I'm the one who did the leaving in the first place." Even as Daniel reached for him and pulled him closer, he kept talking. "I wouldn't take me back."
"Jack," Daniel interrupted, and he felt a smile playing at his mouth. "I will." Jack beamed; he moved in for a kiss, but Daniel put a hand between them. "But I still haven't forgiven you for what you did to Sam."
"Okay," Jack said. "I'll apologize, I promise."
"You'd better," Daniel retorted with mock austerity, but he couldn't help grinning. Sam would be all right, and as for the two of them—well, it was time for Chapter Two.
Jack's house was warm and cozy after hours, a fire crackling in the hearth and dessert abandoned on the coffee table. Daniel sipped his beer slowly, watching as Teal'c's massive arm slid across the floor to the sound of Jack's roar and Sam's laughter; defeated, he loped over to the couch and joined the audience.
"It's okay, big guy," Jack said, giving Teal'c a hearty clap on the back. "Twister is a woman's game—we can't beat them, but still we play. Right, Danny?"
Daniel grinned back in agreement. Both he and Jack had lost almost immediately, too preoccupied with their senses as they brushed against each other to keep their balance. Now it was just Janet and Sam left, twisted on the colored mat in a tangle of limbs.
"Left breast, yellow," announced Teal'c, not even bothering with the spinner. Sam and Janet shot him identical glares, and he recanted. "Right knee, red."
Jack chuckled against the top of Daniel's head; the vibrations spread through him like sunlight, warming him from the inside. Daniel scooted closer, and smiled when he felt Jack leaning into his touch, arm wrapped around his back in the most tender of touches.
"Oh!" Janet's elbow buckled, and she fell with a thud. Sam helped her up, sweaty and tired, and they both laughed as they turned back to their friends.
"Let's end this evening on a high note," Janet said, raising the nearest bottle into the air. "To Sam's fifth straight win—may she never lose again!"
"To Sam," they echoed, and drank. Daniel noticed a glint of something in Jack's eyes as he looked at Sam—pride, and happiness, and joy—but no icy fear gripped him, no cold jealousy touched him. There was no more reason to worry.
Teal'c reached over and turned off the movie that had been playing, forgotten, on Jack's television. He helped Sam into her coat; Daniel did the same for Janet. After a prolonged flurry of hugs, the pair headed for Sam's car, pausing to fling handfuls of snow in each other's direction.
"It has been an extremely entertaining night," Teal'c said, gripping Jack's forearm.
Jack waved goodbye. "Glad you had fun, T. Say hi to Hammond for me when you get back." As the taillights receded, he slid his arms around Daniel's shoulders, burying his nose in Daniel's hair. "You staying?"
Daniel turned and breathed in deep, inhaling Jack's scent and savoring the feel of strong arms around his body. He'd missed this so much; he never wanted to miss it again, and he would never have to.
Jack was his, and no one else's.
"I can't tonight," Daniel said, trying to convey apology with his shaky hands. "Translations, you know, for SG-4—but is tomorrow okay?" A new day, a new challenge, and when it was over, Jack and Sam, Teal'c and Janet, would all be standing there, ready to take him in. Ready to love him.
"Always, Danny," replied Jack, and leaned in for a kiss.